Hold me close
by BahamutPrime
Summary: A bad feeling looms over the head of Max Caulfield, as she ultimately learns of her fate. First person POV. Split into smaller parts for your pleasure.
1. I just woke up

There wasn't a single thing I could do when that tornado tore through the heart of Arcadia Bay.

No amount of turning time back would save it; the same with preventing your death. Oh, universe, why must she die?! After everything we went through, after every reversal, I end up at the same result. There has to be a way out of this!

But, anything short of me dying...

You wouldn't let me die willingly. You're the kind to stubbornly refuse, again and again, if it wasn't to be her own way. I only wish you wouldn't... Die, all the time.

So, here I sit, the bench where I had confessed knowledge of my powers to you. Right here, where you comforted me no matter how weird it was for me to be spacing out. Maybe there's a lesson in all this, watching you die and die again...

The gun in my lap is forever becoming more and more tempting. One bullet is all it takes to kill someone. All the time, all the damn time! And yet, I believe I can find a way to bring you back, or to stop you from dying... Should I really die like this? Maybe this is the only way, maybe this is all I can do now that my time has run short.

What if I found another photo, and went back to then? Could I even find a way to accomplish this?

Maybe if I went back, and I died... You, and all of Arcadia Bay, wouldn't have to suffer this fate. The winds rip and tear at my clothes, and my chest feels so heavy. I want to give up, I want out of this cycle. Oh, Chloe, why must you always die?! I... I cannot take it anymore! I'm so sick of seeing you die all the damn time!

What if... What if I went back, and decided to keep in touch with you? Would that change anything? O-or, somehow befriending Rachel, so that she also did not have to die? So many things I want to do, and yet, all of them are denied, again and again, as though I don't have a choice in this all. I never had a choice in any of this.

Oh, but my head hurts. It hurts so bad. I just want you to come along and erase all this pain with your presence. I want to be able to go to your house, and go to your room, and be able to know you once and for all! 'Til death does us part... But I can't let go. Not now, I'm so close, I'm sure of it.

One last... Try... To stop the inevitable. Chloe, won't you live on with me?

I have to do this. I have to try my hardest to just... Push through! I'll go back so far that this tornado won't even occur, I'll find something, I'll find a way! Though, for now...

I guess I should get up and have breakfast.


	2. And now I must sleep

I suppose I cannot prevent all of it. Just as old age cripples a man, my overuse of this power brings me closer and closer to the brink. I could try and try forever to stop you from falling, but it just seems so impossible right now.

Maybe there is a way to surpass this, to bring about a conclusion fitting of my desires, but most know that will never happen. What if this is all one big dream? I couldn't bear to think that all of this trouble was but a moment in time awake. I would quite literally go mad.

I want to break down, I want to sit here and cry until I could do so no longer. Is it truly this hard to stop death itself?! Even with something beyond normal people, I cannot... Even do that. I miracle resides in me, and that is not enough to face such an overwhelming force.

Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like if I went back, and died while they all lived. Maybe I am the imbalance which threatens to take all that I hold dear. Though, would they really accept that? I'm sure they'd...

There really is no way out of this hell, is there? I'll watch you die over and over, and I'll continue trying to make it so that you don't, but ultimately you will! Oh... The amount of times I've seen your resting face, void of life until I force time backwards- it hurts. A dull ache now resides over my entire form, and my head; it hurts badly.

I swear if I keep this up, I will never be able to do this again. Never to have another chance at saving you again and again. You must have gotten sick of going through it all over and over, surely! Please... Somehow, force yourself to not die! For there is naught I could do to save you, truly!

And then, and then... Your eyes rest on me, and my head continues to throb ever so badly. You've watched my nose bleed from the pressure so many times, and you've watched me pass out completely for times on end- yet you remain, cradling me, holding me...

It all feels so cruel.


	3. Please don't leave me

"Hey, is everything alright? You look a little pale..?"

You ask, and I can barely respond with more than a painful groan. This may be it. "I-I'm fine, you don't have to... Worry..." But I can tell you're not fooled, not one bit. You pull my hand away from my head, and see my nose bleeding, my eye also looks red and puffy. It looks as though it too could bring about a line of blood very soon. The pressure on my brain, it is just... Immense.

"I don't have to worry?! Look at yourself, goddamn!" Your frown speaks volumes, as you hold me by the shoulders. "You look hella sick! We need to get you to a hospital, that's all I know right now..." And yet, beyond that scowl you hold, genuine concern resides. I could only be grateful for it, but... I don't like this one bit. The feeling of dying, it must be what you've felt many times over, huh? I can't even begin to imagine it, but, it isn't as though you retain those memories and feelings when I use this ability.

I remember each and every time you die, because I was there, each and every time. I saved you, but it seems that I can only save you so many times. I thought I would be able to do it for longer, but I'm nearing my limit, and it hurts. I hurt. All over, it feels like my body is breaking down. I know you don't remember it at all, but, I did this all for you, y'know? At one point, I'm sure I would've done it for a bigger reason, but really, you're the biggest reason I ever had.

You scoop me up and place me in the passenger side of your truck, taking care to make sure I'm comfortable. I want to argue, I want to tell you otherwise, but you won't take it from me in this state. "Listen, I know it looks bad, but..."

"Don't give me that crap! You look like you're fucking dying, and you're telling me that it'll all be okay just because you say so? No! Don't do that to me..." You look at me, hurt as I am, and shake your head. Without any time for me to try and dissuade you from taking me to hospital, you're already halfway there. I must have spaced out, or something...

My vision blurs, and my mind throbs even harder. Each cringe makes me want to vomit, and what's worse, I see that I already have on the glove box. Though, it isn't my breakfast, but blood there. My blood. My throat burns somewhat, but my head takes all of the sensation away from my body. I only hope you know what will become of me, because my eyes grow awfully heavy. I think I hear you telling me to stay awake, to not fall asleep, but it's all too much...


	4. I need you with me

I don't know how long I've been out, but I do know that my head does not hurt as much. Although, admittedly, this is not the hospital you took me to, this looks more like the city hospital. Did something happen to our hometown? Maybe, but I can't remember right now...

"Oh, Max..." You mutter, as my eyes open. You give me the hardest hug I've ever received in my life; I fear you could break me with a grip so tight. "You're back with me. I was hella worried, y'know?!" As far as I can tell, you really can't keep your hands off me. I go to speak, but honestly, nothing happens. I know I shouldn't expect so much after waking up from that horrible feeling, but it would have been nice to hold you in return. Oh, but your touch is refreshing, and your smile; all of you is refreshing.

"Max, the Bay, it's... It's gone," With a gulp, you utter this news to me. This seems to jolt me into action, as I suddenly see the drip within my arm, and feel the breathing apparatus in my throat. Oh gods, what on earth had happened?! Panicking, I begin choking on the very thing which had likely kept me alive all this time. "Oh, fuck! Nurse!" You hurriedly grab a nearby nurse, who goes to pull out the breather; but alas, I find that I can use my ability again.

Time halts, all around me. For now, I just have to go back to before you told me that the Bay was gone... It's shocking as is, but I'd prefer not to choke to death. When the deed is done, it all settles. My head remarkably doesn't hurt very much, but alas, only time would tell if things begin occurring once more.

"Oh..." I manage to get out, but you firmly grip my arm, knowing that I could panic at any moment. After seeing me merely tear up, you sit yourself up and hold me close. I always knew that we were close despite recent happenings, but indeed, your warmth brings a certain ease to my form and mind.

Sooner rather than later, a nurse comes in, and advises you to sit back a little as I get the breather taken out of my mouth. After a moment of panic, I find myself able to breathe and actually use my voice a lot better. You sit yourself down once more, but it's clear that something is terribly wrong here.

"Max, there's... Something I have to tell you. Right now, without the morphine, you'd likely die from the pain. They've... They said you have a tumour in your head, damn it!" It is clear that you are devastated, as I look on in shock. Could this be why my head had hurt so very badly before? I never really considered it, but... "I can't let you die, y'know?! I can't!" The distress you show is enough to make me want to cry; I can't be the one dying here! It was always you! And yet... Here I am. Dying.

"Chloe, y-you don't have to worry..." I try, but you shake your head, standing up once more.

"Don't give me that crap! You're dying, Max! I-I... I need some time..." I would have tried to stop you from leaving my side, was I not feeling so weak within this hospital bed. I'd have to try and find you later, but, damn it! What if you die while I'm not there with you?! I'm so fearful of that possibility, I'm so scared of not being able to save you again!


	5. So I can rest in peace

Against my better judgment, I manage to pull the IV from my arm, removing anything which held me down in this bed. I get myself up, but not without immediately feeling the pain in my head. Oh, it is very real, Max! I've never been one to stand out in a crowd, but I wanted you to know that I'd be there for you, no matter what. I may have been so stupid as to not communicate with you for the years I was gone, but I'll be damned if I let you mull over this alone. After all, you gave me choices in that alternate timeline... You still miss William to this day.

For now, however, I have to make my way outside. I can see you from the window, but getting there will be a different story. I can't allow myself to be caught by the nurses or doctors, or anyone who might hurt me. These first steps come by just fine, I reach the door, but almost immediately, I spot my nurse, who rushes toward me so as to put me back in the bed again. I go back, and close the door, preventing her from seeing me as she walks past; to another patient she will go.

Now out in the hallway, I could make my way along; although my head throbs with each step. Perhaps the doctor was right, and I do have a tumour... But that won't stop me now! I hurry myself along, seeing a few visiting parents and colleagues, who walk right by me without a second glance. Swallowing what little pride I have, I get to the front door of the hospital.

There's so many people here, I wonder just how many would even recognise me. Perhaps a failure, knowing me. I did let the Bay get destroyed... I have to shake myself out of it. I steel my resolve, although I can almost feel the nosebleeds coming, but now I cannot concern myself with that. For now, each step is crucial to getting to her side. Each foot I can get closer, the better. You should meet me halfway should something befall me.

"Chloe..!" I get out, though it's a touch above a whisper in volume. Luckily, you notice, and you're in your feet faster than I've ever seen before. Admittedly, I had began to fall over, my body just not being enough to keep me upright.

"Max, what're you doing out here?! Come on let me get you-" But I don't let you finish. My arms grip you as hard as they possibly could, and my eyes water. You quickly notice, before helping me to the bench you were seated at for a while. "What're doing..?"

"Chloe, I can't let you be alone, not... Not after all of this! I know I haven't been the best of friends, and not keeping in contact..." I take in a deep breath, clenching my eyes shut. This pain, it's too real. I can't seem to stop it, but... "I know it hurt you badly, especially given William's death. I felt so cruel for leaving so suddenly." I must. I must try and keep myself awake and alive.

"Hey now, you came back, and knowing that you still cared after all these years makes me feel better. What you did was hella bad, but... I can't help but think this was the way it was meant to be," You nod toward me, before holding me upright with strong arms around my waist. I might've blushed, if my head did not demand so much of me. "It's been hell without you, and Rachel certainly helped me out there... Max, you're the one I miss the most."

I curl my arms around one of yours, and rest my agonising head on your shoulder, hoping not to pass out from the pressure. "I'm so sorry, Chloe, I didn't mean to do as I did, not at all..." My eyes water, but this was normal for me, feeling like this. I want to tell you how I feel, but I fear I might not have the time. "But now, I've... I feel like I've repented, and learned from my mistake. Though even then..." I can't help but wince; not good. I want you to hear me out, not call for a nurse.

"Max, please... Don't do this to yourself. Y-you can get better, I'm sure of it!" You gulp, looking at me with those eyes; I'm sure if they healed, I would be better in a heartbeat. But, this... This I don't think I can reverse enough time to not have to deal with. I'm sorry, Chloe...

"I want you to know one thing. Ever since I left you, I have felt so empty, so... Argh... Alone. I don't have much time, and this pain will kill me no matter what I do. So Chloe, please... Know that I have loved you all this time," There was no point in trying to quell the tears which ran down my face, and yet, your fingers attempt to wipe them away. "I want... My last memory to be of you. Being here with you, it has made me feel so special, so..."

I look to you, and without warning, I kiss you. Though, as I do, I raise my hand and lock everything around me for extra moments. This has to mean the world, to me, to us. Before long I cannot hold it any longer, and you look at me astonished. Deciding against it... I turn back time to just after telling you that I want my last memory to be of you.

"Max, no, please..." It certainly hurts to see you so pained. I'm sure you want to cry too, but you haven't cried for a long time. I wish there was another way, some way, to stop this from happening. I want to grow old with you, but even that will be denied. I'm so sorry, Chloe...

"Don't cry. Just... Hold me close. Please, it's all I ask..!" I let out a cry, holding onto you even tighter. You do as I request, and out before us, the sun begins setting, the red hues coming over us like a wave. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

You don't respond, rather, you simply hold me with that frown of yours. "I... I love you too, Max, you know? But, I can see you've made your mind up. I won't let your last moments be with anything but me." You solidly state, and just like that, I feel a wave of content wash over me. We cradle each other, and just before the sun is out of view...

I feel it. I feel this sense of nothingness take me. To you, it would look like I had just fallen asleep, but alas for me, it would be for the last time. There was so much I wish I could've done, but...

I'm so sorry, Chloe.


End file.
